Out of the different patterns, the one that I believe would be the most difficult to change is the complementary pattern. Since one person takes the one0up position it can be hard for them to give up their control. The person who is the one-upper usually has most of the power and likes to be the control seeker. The book mentioned this type of relationship to a parent and child and I would have to agree with that as well. A child isn’t going to demand a parent to do certain things and a parent is not going to listen to their child’s demands. The most damaging pattern to a relationship would be the competitive symmetry. Since both people are fighting for the one-up role, it can in turn hurt their relationship. Just imagine being in a relationship with someone and you are constantly agreeing for the control, or you believe that you should make the decisions since you’re the one who is right. It would get very frustrating and in the end you will probably resent the other person. As for the pattern that would be the most damaging to the self-esteem of the individuals involved would be the rigid complementary since someone is always being in control of another and being the one-upper, then one-downer is being ignored at times. This can hurt a person’s self-esteem, especially if it involves a couple and one is always being controlled. With the submissive symmetry, it can be hard to put into a categories since it can also be hard to change. A person that is always indecisive and doesn’t like making decisions can be hard to persuade to do so. That pattern can be complicated at times, since a person might also be indecisive just to be nice and in turn they can be taken advantage of.
I think you're right about giving up control. That is sort of similar to what I said. If someone is used to being the one that runs the show, to be able to allow someone else to do the same at times would probably make it really difficult for that person.
ReplyDeleteSeems like from your post we agree on most of the patterns. good post!